Anger

Yesterday I was angry.  Angry at not being able to understand.  Angry at being alone.  Angry at not having someone to share all the life things with.  Angry and not having someone to snuggle next to or lay my head on when I get home.  So, angry at God, I suppose, because it's anger at circumstance.  Sleeping did not go well, but I didn't take Benadryl.  I don't want to depend on it, and it only works for 5-6 hours tops.  I'm afraid to move up to a more powerful drug because of what I saw it do to Cam.  And I'm afraid that if it works and I really black-out sleep and don't remember anything that I will want to keep using it for that reason and not to just help me sleep.  Maybe I'll try this weekend.