Pills

So I'm getting close to the point of seeking professional help.

Maybe that sounds stupid, but let me explain.

I understand the value of drugs.  I watched for nearly a year and a half drugs keep my wife's health safe, keep her able to eat, help her sleep, etc.  But I also understand the cost of drugs.  I watched my wife's brain practically melt, her body shake uncontrollably, her ability to taste things leave her.  If I thought that seeing someone were the best option then I would already have been doing so.  And I'm starting to think it's the best option.

But I am so afraid of losing my mental sharpness.

Regardless of whether things are clear or foggy (and I've had both in recent days), my brain is about the only thing that I still feel like I have a) control of and b) can use effectively.  It is very possible that this is a fear based on wrong assumptions, but I don't want to sacrifice my ability to becoming a "functioning" vegetable.  Right now the cost of insomnia and mood swings is less than the cost of losing my brain.